So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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