I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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