don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
