I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
