i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
