I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
