i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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