That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
