Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i've created a new STD.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
