I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Randomize
