I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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