OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
