Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
