we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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