Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
