Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
