And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
