would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
