You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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