Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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