Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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