I could make wine with my vomit
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
