I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
3 2 1 whiskey
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
