if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
