I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
