Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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