I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
