U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
if only i could text you this smell
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
