she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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