Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
True strength comes from lack of pants
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
