On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
