grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
