I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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