Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
