so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
