New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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