when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
