Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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