Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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