If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I intend to get homeless drunk
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
