youre lurking in front of me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
