How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
