I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
