I just made out with a guy for $7.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
