Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
