She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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