i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
