Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
