His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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