why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
