party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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