areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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